If you're uncomfortable with the age difference, don't date this person. But if you like her, stop judging her and yourself for your dating choices. Dating someone younger than you is not a badge of your sexual attractiveness, and dating someone older than you should not be viewed as a sacrifice. If you're ashamed of her or of yourself because of her age, do her the favor of breaking things off so that she can find someone who is proud to be with her. My Mom and Dad are 10 years apart. I look 26 but am 43, and my gf is Let people deal, it's not a big problem unless you make it a big problem.
It sounds like you don't respect this woman, or at least, the age difference is a deal breaker for you. What matters is what you and the woman think about this, not what we do. Well, if you're going to end up trying to turn her into your proxy-mom or vice-versa that could be a problem, but now that I think about it that is a dynamic that happens regardless of age I am older than my husband by 6. We met when he was in his senior year of college and 22 and I was What matters is whether your levels of maturity match, not your calendar age.
Whats the oldest a 19 year old girl should date - www.perfectpostage.com Forums
If it's okay for a man to date a woman five years younger, it's okay for a woman to date a man five years younger. You have been trained, by our culture, to see relationships between an older man an a younger woman as normal, and the opposite as abnormal. This is't how it actually works, though; plenty of women are with younger men, especially a gap of only five years. This shows the origin of this question. You've been taught by our society that younger women are "better.
This is, to be blunt, complete sexist bullshit.
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Having a girlfriend who is a few years older than you says nothing about you, but worrying about it does. It says you are insecure. A friend of mine started a relationship like that a couple of years ago. She was 29 when they started dating, I suppose.
They got married two weeks ago. This sort of thing, as with almost any relationship, is almost entirely dependent on the people involved. A 5 year age difference when both parties are adults is totally fine and normal. If you think this way already, what you are going to think when it's time for your friends to meet your girlfriend? Are you going to be embarrassed about her being 5 years closer to wearing Depends diapers or something? Of course its ok. But please make sure she never sees this question or knows about your concerns because it would be really hurtful and if I were her it would be amble reason to not date you or to dump you if I was.
It would be okay if the man was 26 and she was 21 but the other way around feels too milfy, or cougarish. Also, I'd just like to request that you and society as a whole work super-hard to unpack yourselves of this notion. If you could see your way clear. Because, "An age and power differential is okay as long as it's the man in power"? A 26 year old guy, dating a 31 year old woman, is it okay? As far as your references to "milfy" or "cougarish", ummmmmmm, I'm I'm not a mom or even vaguely matronly. You and I most likely have virtually identical life experiences and overall approaches to the world.
We like the same bands, watch the same TV shows and movies, and are nostalgic about the same Saturday morning cartoons. The age difference is perfectly acceptable, and i know plenty of successful couples with that type of age gap. You, on the other hand, sound immature and judgmental about both gender relations and age, and so it probably won't work out, unless your prospective girlfriend is willing to be considered milfy or a cougar, but she probably won't.
A five year age difference is of no consequence if the two people involved are at the same stage of maturity. This does not seem to be the case here. She needs to be dating someone more in her maturity bracket. You need to mature some more. I would never ever date a woman and not be proud of her, and hide her from my friends, it wouldnt be fair. I haven't even asked her out yet but it seems like she wants me to. If I was in a relationship with her then I'd most certainly be happy with what she was posted by curious-mind at 2: Um, yes, it's fine.
My 31 year old girlfriend says no, it is not ok. Like most things, it's okay with some people and not okay with others. If you want to date this woman, pursue that goal. The reason I asked this question about me being "okay" with dating an older woman, was reading a okcupid research article saying how most men compete for younger women, and there were guys in the comment section saying things like "Yeah if you can't get a younger woman its because you got priced out and you suck" I tried to not let it bother me but it did.
That as a statistic men chase younger women, and dating an older woman is looked upon as failing to be able to compete with other men. So far so good. He's not concerned about the difference at all.
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If you two really gel as a couple then people won't see a 5 year difference in your ages. Yeah, I think you're probably too immature for this relationship, dude.
Okay wait, you are making life decisions based on the internets comments section of a dating site article? Cut this shit out. Anyway, in my early-mid 30s I dated a guy very seriously for several years who was about four years younger. The reasons it didn't work out had nothing to do with our age gap. Here's where it could potentially become an issue - if she wants to have children, she is facing a much steeper timeline than you are right now in life. Where two twentysomethings can wait and see where things go, maybe get married, maybe think about kids when it feels right - a couple in their 30's do have to face the reality that female fertility starts declining after So if you don't think you want kids in the next 10 years, and she does -- the relationship can't work in the long run.
It sounds from your question and followups that you're focusing on a lot of superficial externals about how it might affect you rather than the heart of the matter - what is she looking for in you? Gwyneth Paltrow is five years older than Chris Martin. I don't think there's anything wrong with you. I know if I were in her year-old shoes I would want to know if I was seeing someone who used the word "cougar" seriously in any non-feline context, let alone applied to how others might view our relationship, has no problem with a double standard, i.
If she doesn't know, I suggest you tell her. She might chose to make this a non-issue for you. I think it's just fine if a 26 year old man is dating a 31 year old woman. But, if we're talking about a 26 year old guy , I'm not so sure. Just noticed that 15 comments have been posted since I started writing. I'm betting that I'm not the only one who is giving you grief about this question.
Who do you want to date? Her or other men? It's a fine age gap for anyone. Best of luck -- you're gonna need it. I tried to not let it bother me but it did. OK, I'm here to tell you: You know the saying, "Haters gonna hate"? You, sincere internet stranger who is making a valiant effort to figure this out, are not a statistic.
You may plug into some venn diagrams every once in a while, but the value judgements you make for your own time in life need not be unduly influenced by lying numbers or hype and spin or anything other than your own notion of where the ship you and only you are steering is headed. It is weird in the sense that it's not typical and it is something some people might look down on you for.
Does that make it bad or a bad idea? I don't think so, but that's your decision to make. What people might think of you as a couple is just one of many factors that go into deciding whether to pursue a specific relationship. It's not wrong to consider it, either, but talking about it in this particular way reinforces a lot of gross sexist norms so I suggest not bringing it up like this around other people or around this woman.
Why do you care what's "normal"? Why do you care what other people think about your prospective relationship, or what they might think about you on the basis of who you date? While it's natural to wonder about the various consequences of a difference in age, I think your would-be sweetheart might be a bit taken aback to learn that you had to ask the Internet whether dating her would be "OK. Then of course there's the unnecessary stereotype that her being over 30 for five minutes means she is now turning at least some of her attention to baby-planning.
They haven't even gone on a date. I don't think kids need to be a factor in the dating process quite yet. I'm 26 years old and I've dated a number of women in their late 30s in the last few years. It's never been any kind of issue. On the other hand, at the tender age of 26 I think of myself as a grown man and I wouldn't lower myself to taking advice from a bunch of bros in the comment section of a dating website so maybe our experiences are very different. For what it's worth - not much, by the way - some women my own age have told me that the fact that I was dating a 40 year old raised their opinion if me.
But you should not be using the identity of the person you date as a status symbol because it's repulsive. Someone 5 years older than you is not old enough to be your mother, so "MILF" seems quite a bit off. My sister-in-law and my ex-sister-in-law are both five or six years older than my brother, and I don't think either relationship has had, or had, any issues relating to their age difference. I don't know what to say about your apparent internalized belief that men "should be" older than their female partners or they'll lose status, except a it's certainly a widespread cultural meme in lots of places, and b in my experience, cultural memes like that are usually obstacles to creating relationships that work for you, not for random TV gossip shows or shock jocks or whoever.
Since you are asking, and given the words you chose, she is too old for you. Older women tend to respect themselves more and have higher standards. In that sense dating an older woman reflects well on you. Older women, because of their confidence and experience, also make better lovers. I would really encourage you to disabuse yourself of the subconscious misogyny you've indicated in your post and follow-ups so that you can be worthy of her interest. Plutarch, in his biography of Marc Antony, remarks that Cleopatra met Antony "at the very time when women have the most brilliant beauty.
Notwithstanding, what are YOU comfortable with? And the line about not able to attract a younger woman.. You fall in love with whom you fall in love with. When I was 34 I was dating a 27 year old. We had a lot of fun in the time we were together. Our work was similar, we liked the same movies, the same books, we had the same political views, our musical tastes overlapped.
Eventually he was transferred to another city and that was that, but we had a terrific time. No one, including the two of us, gave any thought to the age difference, because it was never evident. I am eight years older than my husband, and our respective ages have never been an issue between us.
Except when he makes fun of 80s music.
What is weirder: A 21 year old guy dating a 15 year old girl/19 y.o. girld ating 16 y.o guy?
People have already given your grief for describing yourself as a 26 year old boy and caring about the opinion of an anonymous bunch of dudes on OKCupid, so I'll spare you on that front. My question is regardless of your concerns, how is anyone even going to know you are dating a 31 year old unless you tell them?
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Unless said women looks substantially older than 31 or you look substantially younger than 26, your age difference is unlikely to be identifiable by the general public that's making the rather generous assumption that anyone else is going to care. I didn't marry any of them or anyone else for that matter but they -- well all but one -- were great relationships, the shortest of which lasted almost 2 years and the longest almost 8 years. I don't recall my age, or our age difference, being a factor. I primarily dated men younger than myself because those were the men that I happened to meet.
I went to grad school at 31 and most of my classmates were years younger than I was. When I got out and got my first internship, same deal. I had more in common with them then men my own age who were already well-established in their careers, etc. Most of the time we found out each others ages after we started dating and it just wasn't an issue for either of us. I'm 29 and my girlfriend is There are lots of advantages to dating a grownup. I wouldn't trade her for a year-old for anything, especially when I remember what I was like at Also, did you read that OkCupid article, or just the comments?
Because the article, if I'm thinking of the same one you are, was about how awesome women in their 30s are, and how dumb it is that guys don't tend to date older women. And they had data to back up something women being awesome! Honey, five years is an age gap when you are a child. Five years doesn't rate as an age gap when you are an adult. I skipped to the end. This must worry you for some reason, but it shouldn't. I remember a ton of lady-persons who were 31 at my 26 and I didn't give a rat's patoot about our respective ages.
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