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So far, I think nature is winning. There are two kinds of friends: A celebrity is someone who works hard all his life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. The transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies.

Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes, and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well? I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. The best thing about living at the beach is that you only have assholes on three sides of you. Why is it that in the US: If you take off all your clothes and walk down the street waving a machete and firing an Uzi, terrified citizens will phone the police and report: Canadians are more polite when they are being rude than Americans are when they are being friendly.

At every party there are two kinds of people: The trouble is, they are usually married to each other. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then it dawned on me… they were cramming for their finals.

376 of the best one-liners on the internet

You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him. You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead. The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was. The human brain is a wonderful thing.

TRY NOT TO LAUGH!! - ONE LINERS & DAD JOKES!

It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone. The difference between divorce and legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money. Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel shamed.

26 Hilarious Jokes About Dating That Single And Taken People Can Laugh At

Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. Insanity is defined as doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. Children in the back seats of cars cause accidents, but accidents in the back seats of cars cause children. Shop in a box Sit back and let the hottest tech news come to you by the magic of electronic mail.

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All data collected in the survey is anonymous. This article was written way back in I don't have a girlfriend.


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But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that. Of course I care about how you imagined I thought you perceived how I wanted you to feel. I'm tweeting to tell you I sent you an email explaining my voicemail about the note saying I'm leaving you because we don't talk anymore. Honesty is the key to a relationship.

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If you can fake that, you're in. In my 20s someone told me that each person has not one but 30 soul mates walking the earth. Fancy nights out for girls are ten minutes of pure enjoyment followed by like four hours of bitching about their feet hurting in heels.

The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him. A first date gives you only an imperfect snapshot of who a person really is.

humorous one-liners, quotations, expressions, proverbs & more

Her real self—her hopes and dreams, her fears and sorrows—will start to emerge, like a beautiful mosaic, on the second date. I hope to have one someday. I dated a guy several times and he was always interrupting me. When my friends asked me what he was like, I said he suffers from premature interjection. Click here to get the skinny! Or go back to the Home Page: The Joke Party Game elevates your endorphins, amplifies your amusement, and improves your digestion. It's the most fun you can have without whipped cream. It's only available here at JokeQuote. Your gang will think you're a genius for discovering it.

Funny Dating Jokes

Click Here to check it out. Of all the funny party games, MilkSnort! Wise person try to get odder. Laughter is the best dessert! If Santa brings you laughter, it's the best thing you could ask for. Unauthorized copying protected by Copyscape. All comments are moderated by the Head Lafologist. The Joke Party Game.

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