Don’t Go Ghost: How To End A Casual Dating Relationship Like A Grown-Up
As for myself, I would prefer to hear this by telephone rather than in person as who needs the face-to-face awkwardness that results from the "I'm just not that into you" soliloquy. Since you are a decent person and want to sign off in a respectable manner, following up by sending flowers with a note that says "Good to have met and all the best" would be a nice touch and a good way to ensure that there are no hard feelings when you bump into each other at the movies.
I'd want nothing more than an e-mail. Why waste her time meeting or talking on the phone if there is no chance you'll stay together? E-mail lets the dumpee deal with her feelings in private, away from you. The impulse to do things the "decent" way usually seems to be more about the dumper than the comfort of the dumpee. I know I'm an outlier in this regard, but having been dumped many times and in all kinds of ways, e-mail is definitely best. There's no way to make a breakup go well, so just stop trying. Just call and say, "Hey, I wanted to tell you: Whatever we've had, it's been fun, but I'm moving on.
It seems like the best thing to do.
I wish you well. Hang up, deep breath, move on. This may be a bit much. Especially considering those flowers are going immediately in the trash after she realizes they're from the guy who just broke up with her. Face-to-face is the way to go in an established relationship where you see each other often, but it is way overrated if you're still in the early stages, when you're "dating" but not quite a couple.
Either you go to meet your dumper suspecting nothing and anticipating a nice afternoon, and then bam dumped , or your dumper proposes the get-together with "we need to talk," and you think "man I'm probably getting dumped, why do I have to drive fifteen minutes to Panera for this, just get on with it. Keep it short, something like "I really enjoyed spending time with you but I don't think it would work out in the long run, and I don't want to string you along. Phone, email or text that "we need to talk". Then it must must be in person UNLESS she replies to your call, email or text that SHE wants to follow up in another way other than in person, having figured out what's coming and knowing her own preferences.
Your post suggests to me that you have sufficient emotional maturity, consideration and social skills not to totally butcher a face to face meeting. Write out what you intend to say and read it over a couple times to yourself first. Then take the interaction as it comes. Having worked it over on paper in your own mind will steer you in the right direction. Especially considering those flowers are going immediately in the trash after she realizes they're from the guy who just broke up with her Assuming you're a guy: Flowers show off his decent side ie.
Personally I would prefer an email breakup simply for the fact that I wouldn't have to waste an afternoon or evening meeting somewhere just to get dumped. Dump me via email first thing in the morning and then I can do something else with my day. Even if you clue her in that this is a "we need to talk" get-together, think of how she'd feel during the days before you meet up. You haven't been dating long enough that there's a real need to do it in person. Just give her a call and absolutely don't send flowers unless you want to piss her off and waste your money.
Face to face is the non-dickish way to do it. For pointers on how to do it gently, see Miko 's fabulous how-to-dump-gently answer. Phone call or face to face. Maybe send an email, but make sure that you give her the option of a phone call if she feels a particular need to talk things out. Something like "Hey, I realize this is a bit impersonal, and if you want to talk about it more, give me a call, but I don't want to drag this out.
This way, you're demonstrating that you care enough about this person to consider her feelings b offering to talk to her if she feels the need. I know this can extend the break-up process, which no one wants, but I think it's a good compromise between email, which you prefer, and acting like a good guy, which to your great credit you want to do. You know her better than a group of random internet strangers. Choose what you think will work best for her, while keeping this advice from Miko in mind.
Well, I didn't really mean it would be a hurl-against-the-wall-in-anger discarding, but more that I just can't see her wanting to explain that those lovely new flowers came from a guy who just broke up with her. I vote for a phone call. I don't want to waste my time having dinner with a guy who's going to dump me, and I don't want to look like a blubbering idiot in public if I take it hard. Email is too impersonal.
How to Break Up Respectfully
A phone call allows me to express my feelings, while giving me an easy way out i. If I think the guy who dumped me is a great guy who's just not that into me, then getting break-up flowers from him would just be depressing as hell. Absolutely do not dump me by text message.
Unless you want to be part of my budding stand up comedy career. Tell me on the phone. Specifically, call me to tell me. Unless we already have something fun planned, don't let me get all gussied up to be dumped. If we've been on 8 dates, I'll be wearing mascara and I will look like a maniac with the black smudges, even if I only cry the teensiest bit.
Don't put too much of the "you're awesome" in the front end of your dumping, because I'll get a little woozy. Make it clear what you're doing, and use the Miko approved method mentioned previously. But don't go too overboard on "you're awesome. But this isn't really a problem for me these days, since I can't seem to attract the men who are interested enough to ask me on a date. Face-to-face is the most respectful way to go here. Plus that way she can quickly forward it to her friends without having to do her own narrative.
I vote for face to face with a twist- call her and ask her to coffee or lunch, but make it clear that this isn't a date night. The "We need to talk" line is pretty much self explanatory. Then if she wants to just get it over with on the phone, its her call, and it's pretty clear that if she comes to the meeting, it's for a breakup talk. In-person or via phone. E-mail or text is way too impersonal after sleeping together.
To weigh in on the flowers: I would not want flowers from a guy who just broke up with me. To be honest, I'd throw them away - not out of rancor, but because I was just broken up with and I don't really need a visual reminder of that fact. Especially not a visual reminder that will die soon.
There is evidence just in this thread that there are very divided preferences on communication modes. Some people hate email; some people live by it. You know her communication preferences--do it in line with those. Getting someone "sorry to dump you" flowers is not the best idea. Sorry, braemar, I can't agree.
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Neither I nor most of the women I know would keep flowers from someone who just dumped them. It's not so much rancor as "Why would I want to spend the next four days looking at a reminder of a guy who just said that he doesn't want to spend time with me? Do it in person and don't send flowers, however well-intentioned. If I got dumped after just a few dates I'd prefer a kind email - that way he doesn't see me get upset or hear my voice get all shaky on the phone.
After more than a few dates, maybe 3 months or so and it being a serious exclusive relationship, then I'd prefer in-person in-private and as quickly as possible plus just take all your stuff back now. It's only been a month but you give have slept together. Sleeping together is still considered pretty intimate, right? I think you should tell her face to face. Don't make it a "date" but maybe coffee or something even more casual.
If you tell her "we have to talk" then she'll know that things are probably not headed in a positive direction. Honestly, the only ex-boyfriends whose memories still cause me to feel bitterness are those that tried to slink away instead of just treating me like an equal person with feelings who should be allowed to respond however she sees fit. None of them were a blindside -- I knew things weren't working out -- but what was a blindside was the cowardly behavior.
I'm pretty sure you feel the same, but I didn't feel a romantic connection. Always awkward to be the first to say, but didn't want to be one of those [ghosts].
How to Break Up- Advice to win you Respect
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First of all, you have a written correspondence stored in your phone, which means it could be a reminder, or someone could steal his phone and read everything. Also, text messages can be confusing. You might think you've officially broken up, while he is still questioning. Breaking up at an event, like a party or social gathering, can elevate the hurt.
For your boyfriend, a breakup is a stab at his pride and he might need some time to digest the news before being ready to go public. Discuss how you are going to deal with your breakup together, such as changing your status on Facebook and determining whether you should try to be friends right away. This type of discussion also makes it much more real.
Even if you have another guy on your mind, don't run out and declare your love to him. This will cause the blow to your ex-boyfriend to be much worse. Make sure that your words to your boyfriend are matching your actions. So, if you tell him you want a break from dating and need your space-keep your word. You'll know when it's an appropriate time to date a new guy.
The way you bring up and speak about the breakup to your boyfriend can greatly impact how he views the event.