It's happened in our department, and the people in question had to continue working together for years after they broke up. Our department shares a building with another department, which a lot of grad students I know have used as a source of people to date. As for me, I will date outside of school I don't think there's anything wrong with dating someone in your program, if it naturally happens, but I also wouldn't treat grad school as a matchmaking service.

I wouldn't want to miss out on all the things my grad school has to offer by being stuck in the mindset that this is my "last opportunity to meet a large group of intellectual and ambitious people at once. My parents met in graduate school, married right before they received their PhDs, and now teach at the same school happy ending, essentially. Their advice to me was that grad school is a great place to meet people but that it can be seriously difficult to find jobs in the same city if you do end up together after graduation.

Plenty of their friends have had to make major sacrifices like being adjunct profs indefinitely in order to maintain their relationships. This is particularly bad considering the current job market. Just something to consider when thinking about marrying a fellow grad student. There shouldn't be a lot of problems dating within the program, though. I guess it kind of depends on how large the program is and what the dynamics are like. I'll be starting my program this fall at the same institution my boyfriend is attending though we're in different fields.

I guess it's a little different though since we'll have been dating for over 1. I don't think failing to date in grad school would preclude me from having a relationship for the next 20 years either! Like, I was trying to make the point that either extreme may be troublesome. That being said, there are certain fields where you only see people in your program. So I don't know if dating outside your department is a realistic option for everyone. I commend you for this ability, but I think many people judge and judge hard.

Be Patient

Reading these made me wonder about how women may view other women who aggressively date in grad school. If you thought someone was "treat[ing] grad school as a matchmaking service," would you be resentful or maybe just a bit annoyed because they may seem to be perpetuating a stereotype i. I don't see how your life could be so insular that you don't have any relationships outside of your program.


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I've always tried to keep a somewhat diversified group of friends, albeit only because I play a sport. So I have school friends and rugby friends. Ok- I think dating other grad students is okay And you will become the butt of so many inside jokes. I also think that this has the opportunity to look bad on the students from the supervisor's point of view, and other lab mates. I am single, and I often wonder if I were to date someone now, if it would be easier to date a fellow grad student verses non-student.

I don't worry about it. That's not what I meant at all!

A "Real" Grad School Ad

It wouldn't bother me if any woman or any man for that matter - my post was gender neutral was aggressively dating in grad school. I just know that actively seeking a relationship can be REALLY distracting for myself, personally, and that hunting for a boyfriend in grad school would almost certainly be a trade-off, where I wouldn't be as focused on my program. And if I was being so aggressive out of the fear that this was my LAST CHANCE for happiness, that would be too bad, because I think that would be a misconception that might make me miss out on some of the reasons I am going to grad school in the first place.

That's not to say I don't find dating a satisfying, stress-relieving activity, which is why I stated that I wouldn't be opposed to it if it happened naturally.

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This is theoretical for me anyway, as my boyfriend of a number of years will be relocating with me and our dog. That being said, I can totally visualize a situation in which a person, male or female, who was insecure and constantly needing validation from a string of meaningless yet dramatic grad school flings, who was throwing off the group dynamic and constantly redirecting attention from the subject matter, could be super annoying in close quarters.

However, I don't think that has anything to do with perpetuating a stereotype. This is a relevant subject to me! Coming into grad school last year I had only one rule Don't date fellow grad students in the same program. And of course now I am dating a fellow student and I'm incredibly happy. I definitely wasn't hunting for a partner or looking for validation, but we have a lot in common and get along very well, and one thing led to another. In general I think we don't annoy the other students, apart from sometimes hanging out in each other's office with other students there trying to work, but in our program that happens all the time, not just with us two.

If you do find someone you really like in your program, I would recommend waiting a month or two and just get to know each other slowly, rather than jumping into 'dating' immediately. That should minimize the chances of 'meaningless yet dramatic grad school flings' But I'm glad I didn't stick to my rule of not dating a fellow student! You need to be a member in order to leave a comment. Sign up for a new account in our community. Already have an account?

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By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy. Officially Grads Search In. Prev 1 2 3 Next Page 1 of 3. Posted May 6, PhD very likely to see again From previous graduate experiences, I've seen: Your partner's social group is also often comprised of other individuals in his field of study. Social events hosted by his peers might be replete with in-depth discussions about molecular biology research, the merits of famous literary figures or the chemical instability of something with a name so long that it sounds like a disease.

What Do We Think About Dating other Grad Students? - Officially Grads - The GradCafe Forums

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How to Write a Psychology Dissertation. What Is an Educational Module? Plan dates that provide opportunities for conversation to connect with your partner. Value Your Independence She has come far in her academic career and can no longer afford to blow off studying for an impromptu romantic evening.


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  8. Here is a different perspective, maybe. I was friends with a couple that dated in grad school and "successfully broke up". Nobody knew they started dating at first, nor that they had broken up several years later. While dating, they acted only as friends while in lab.

    How to Date a Grad Student

    During and after the break up, they were civil with one another, discussed things as adults should, and put the needs of the lab and their friends ahead of their own. If you're going to "shit where you eat", you better be prepared to prevent cross contamination with otherwise proper hygiene. Keep in mind, most people aren't this mature while in grad school. No breakup is worth the emotional turmoil during one of the most stressful times of your life. There goes your future plans of getting a PhD. I see what you're saying, but I sincerely like this person and want to see if it works out for the long-term.

    My academic advisor thought I might be dating in the dept. I still have no idea why. I said I wasn't dating in Dept, he said it wasn't about that. Anyways, most awkward conversation I've ever had with him, and I haven't spoken to him alone since then. I haven't found anyone else in the Dept who has been similarly carpeted. You broke up your academic relationship with your advisor right after he asked you about your romantic life? My university has an academic advisor that oversees the coursework requirements for all the grad students in the Dept.

    My grades weren't great, and I did get failing exam grades a few times, but advisors never asked if it was for personal reasons even though sometimes it was One of my closest friends in my program dated another guy in the same program. It was cool seeing them graduate at the same time and be able to provide support while going through the same things at the same time.

    I started dating a first year student in my PhD program when I was in my second year. We just got married a month and a half ago. My stepsister also met her husband in grad school. I don't see any problem with it in general, tons of people meet each other at work and this is essentially the same thing. Hell it beats going on OKcupid dates. I would be worried about dating somebody you work more closely with, say somebody in your lab, in case things go south.

    Agreed, would never date anyone in lab for a million years, no matter how hot they were. Maybe only after graduating said lab: Let's put aside the immediate consequences of the relationship not working out. Your ex-significant other is on the hiring committee. Your relationship ended on mediocre terms. I'm sure it could be a huge problem if it doesn't work out, but I'm an example of it working out really well.

    I met my wife in our Ph. In our case, there was never really any chance that we'd break up, so maybe it was our mutual instinct in that direction that led us to jump in like we did.