If neither of you talk about what upsets you, how can either of you clear up any misunderstanding or work to resolve the conflict? Conflict is not the problem most couples face. Not having the skills or tools to address conflict is more likely the culprit. This seems to be the case in your situation. When couples use one or more of what John Gottman refers to as the Four Horsemen to deal with anger, disappointment, or annoyance, they run the risk of alienating or turning off their partner.

I am guessing this is what happened in your relationship. Then to make matters worse, instead of listening to your boyfriend's request that you give him a break, you bombarded him with text messages. It is likely that he feels little respect by you. The mounting negatives of this relationship are outweighing what once were the positives of the relationship.

Giving your partner the ‘cold shoulder’ isn’t always bad for your relationship

If you continue to try to force the issue you will succeed in turning your boyfriend completely off. My suggestion is to back off for a bit.

Use the time to learn healthy tools and skills for addressing conflict in a relationship. Once you have spent some time working on yourself, then give your boyfriend a call. Let him know what you have learned and see if he is open to trying the relationship again. It may be too late by that point. If this is the case, consider the end of this relationship as one of those painfully learned lessons and an opportunity to avoid the same mistakes in the future.

If on the other hand he is open to trying the relationship again, consider yourself lucky and remember that conflict in a relationship is normal and natural.


Not having healthy skills or tools to work through the issues couples face is what gets you into trouble. Ms Ross said considering socio-economic status was vital to understanding the quality and functioning of relationships. Ms Ross said the results may be beneficial for clinicians who work with couples in therapy and policymakers focused on marriage and family. To join the conversation, please Log in. Don't have an account? Join the conversation, you are commenting as Logout. Log in No account? Sign up Log out news. Video Image How to manage your money as a couple 1: The effect of shutting a partner out is a powerful tool in conveying displeasure.

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Or if the behaviour is also targeted at those you care for your children, friends. The silent treatment is a passive-aggressive action where a person feels bad but is unable to express themselves. Their being 'silent' is never a silent act.

Advice on Silent Treatment in a Relationship | LoveToKnow

It generates what the sulker wants. Attention and the knowledge others are hurt.

Silent Treatment - MGTOW

Is marriage a failure? Some therapists see this kind of social rejection purely as poor communication. Others are more concerned by it, viewing it as a form of control or even abuse.

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Passive aggressive behaviour like this may come from past experiences. Could any of the issues below have affected your partner? Were they raised in an environment where they:.

Advice on Silent Treatment in a Relationship

Or might it be something they have picked up more recently in relationships, friendships or workplace situations? Whether they have learned this in the past or present, if they repeatedly engage in this behaviour as an adult this is something they are making a deliberate choice to do. Even if they feel like they have no control over their feelings or actions. It can, however, help you consider how you respond. How do you usually act when they freeze you out.

Expert Reply

What happens when they come out of their cold shouldering phase? Do you discuss it and if so how? Thinking about how you react is useful because it may show you how you are giving your partner attention when they withdraw from you. In turn you can use this to change your behaviour so you stop reinforcing their social rejection.