We have to write our own version of “initiation rules.”

1. He asks for more photos before the date

At that time, I was chatting to all sorts of girls and a few caught my eye, for differing reasons. But the common denominator was that I enjoyed the attention from all of them.


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Men chatting to women on a dating app for the sheer fun of it is just one example of the ways a guy can lead a lady on. We enjoy the challenge — the chase — and we also enjoy the attention. However, there is a caveat to this somewhat foreboding tale — men vary.

From thoroughly bloody nice chaps, to suave gentlemen with varying motives, to Lotharios with questionable morals, to downright cheating rats, and their motivations for dating vary as well. There are key indicators right from the start in the dating world — clues to identify what a guy really wants from the outset.

In addition — and forgive me if this is blindingly obvious, but not all women seem to see it — you get what you pay for. A free dating website is going to attract a significantly different clientele than a subscription site. And with that, people might have different motives for being on there. A man may text you back just to string you along.

The Ugly Truth – When a Guy Just Isn’t That Into You

Or that he just wants to get his numbers up. Either way, you can tell when he cannot be bothered. I took time to respond to their messages, but I was deliberate with all of my interactions and made sure not to let their interest wane. I was also balanced, trying to be entertaining whilst also trying to secure a date. If he likes you, he will make the effort to meet up.

7 Signs Your Online Dating Match Is Not That Into You

Ladies, you get what you demand of most men. One of the most difficult parts of dating in is that sometimes, it can feel a little bit too casual. Connecting with people has never been easier, but we have so many options and opportunities that it makes sense to spread out our energy and keep things low key. And you deserve someone who is bothered. The Pilot was one of four C-named siblings, all of whom had gone to get matching tattoos when he, the youngest, turned I thought this endearingly quaint. Also adorable was his unfinished barcode tattoo, waiting to be completed upon certain seminal lifecycle events specifically, marriage and fatherhood.

A few days before we were due to meet—we had plans for frozen yoghurt, his favourite, even though it was the dead of winter—the Pilot emailed apologetically to cancel. There was a family tragedy; his older brother was in a coma, so he was staying in Newfoundland for the foreseeable future. Besides, what kind of cold-hearted bitch breaks up with someone during a time of family crisis?

Over the next few weeks we spent a lot of time together, and by together I mean chatting over MSN. When I told him my friends called me Jono he suggested that he would prefer to call me Tithead. And thus we quickly had pet names for each other. He would later jokingly tell me that he had named the baby blue hospital-issue pillow Tithead too. We continued to discuss the heavier things in life: As a response, he sent me a series of 1-word emails spelling out: Some nights the Pilot sent me copies of songs he played on guitar and I would listen to them as we chatted.

When I asked him if he could sing anything by David Gray, he said no, but promised to teach himself so that he could perform for me upon his return to Toronto. I promised to make a big foam C for his next concert. At one point the Pilot and I realized that his last name had a similar meaning to my middle name. And so, jokingly, he said that we already had a de-facto name for a son, if we were to go down that route.

He's Just Not That Into You - How to Get Over It Fast - Relationship Advice Dating Advice

Retrospectively, I always took these conversations with a grain of salt, but they were also the kind of thoughts I myself would sometimes entertain when I would first start dating someone. Yet with the Pilot there was no fear in raising tangents about long-term planning. And then suddenly the Pilot vanished. And with the exception of all of the photos that creepily existed on my hard drive and MP3 files of his music, it was like he never existed. That period of self-doubt started to creep in where the familiar thought tripped through my head: It all seemed too perfect to suddenly dispose of in an electronic trash bin.

I thought, obviously, that his brother had died. For a time I cruised the local obits bracing myself for the worst. I never found a death notice. This was probably for the best; as one friend noted—even if I knew what happened to the brother—how would that have helped?


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Would I fly out for the funeral and just appear in a pew and introduce myself to his parents as what? I should mention at this point that the Pilot had big, beautiful biceps. My friend was convinced. If there was a hot gay pilot, I would know him. I was now completely fascinated. Could the Pilot, my Pilot, be a complete sham? I felt violated, and I had to know the truth. I scoured the photos for clues about location, anything that could point me to the guy in the photograph. I asked friends who grew up in St. But when I showed them his picture no one recognized him. I investigated the situation further, finding myself on the phone with the registrar at Memorial trying to find out if someone by the same name as the Pilot had graduated there.


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Calls to various hospitals in Newfoundland would also turn up scant information. The Pilot had sent me his warm-up set-list: One evening, with trepidation, I typed his song list into Google awaiting the inevitable. In some ways I wish there was a happy ending to this story—that cliffside wedding complete with tartan plaid. I spent a day in bed lamenting the death of my fictional relationship. What had at first seemed so promising had gone down in flames.

It took a while longer to stop feeling embarrassed for myself. The plans I had made in my head all seemed that much stupider when put into the context of a fictionalized person.

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And while a part of me recognized how outrageous it was to feel so let down, a part of me was also truly hurt. Hurt because I had been duped, but also because, once again, I had been dumped. Over time, and with a bit of distance from the situation, I began to see a silver lining in the situation. Get the best stories from The Good Men Project delivered straight to your inbox, here. Sign up for our Writing Prompts email to receive writing inspiration in your inbox twice per week.

We have pioneered the largest worldwide conversation about what it means to be a good man in the 21st century. Your support of our work is inspiring and invaluable. Jonathan Naymark is a pun aficionado-cum-businessman who tends to write articles in his spare time; well He can be found on Twitter: