The responsible party is the man or woman who has to open those emails to stroke their ego or satisfy what they think is a harmless curiosity. Match member ignorance is not a defense.

5 Reasons Why His Online Dating Profile Is Still Active

You are old and wise enough to read the TOS and have basic respect. If you play to your curiosity expect to lose that person. You are risking STDS,emotionally injuring people who deserve respect and maybe losing out on a really good person. In my situation he is now an ex for a reason. Finding out the basement roommate and he actually did have an intimate relationship after swearing up and down since July that he never touched her was the final straw of many in the red flags and numerous chances to be honest.

I find this truth out many many months after dating when she kept walking up into his house and always there when I came over. I finally pushed him and he admitted he and she had a sexual relationship a long time ago and that he had lied but he felt nothing for her then or now.

Denial is not a river in Egypt and you can do a non member search to check if he or she has lied to you before. No shame in protecting your biggest investment: Dave — receiving or deleting a match. So there you have it folks. Enough dirt to cover your tracks. They are not looking out for you if they still are checking out the menu while proclaiming they are crazy about you. They can be crazy about you and still want to screw the basement chick. Hey Dave — you might try sending her here to see that others have dealt with the problem. I completely empathize with you. What he did is not right and you did not deserve to be hurt like that.

No wonder so many lose faith in the online dating venue. Myself along with many of my personal friends have reiterated your story to me through tears and hugs. The risk of being lied to is higher online because it is a catalogue of sorts. Higher numbers of people in the dating pool. Easier access to women and men verses the old fashioned way of courting and meeting. I set up some boundaries to lessen not eliminate the likelihood of this happening to me again. Perhaps this might help you as well. No sex until you both take down your profiles and agree to be exclusive.

If you can share your body through sexual contact which is clearly intimate contact , then you should be comfortable enough to have the talk about expectations. Stop fooling one another with the notion that we should not have expectations. It is NOT being needy. It is being wise and mature to set clear concise boundaries to value and protect your emotional sexual health. It is your right to care about your health and well being. Forgive the presumption that match. The major idea is to help people find love.

All it takes is one act of unprotected or oral sex and a habitual liar with high risk behavior to expose you to a lifetime of emotional and physical problems. There is no cure for herpes. There is no cure for HIV. There is no cure but an expensive therapist to sit with you for several sessions for emotional damage — to help re establish your self worth and value that was destroyed by one person who had the audacity to demand NO expectations while you jump to his cool as heck laid back beat. Check out that instinct and red flags.

Never apologize for checking up on a person who has lied to you and promises to do better. All this bull about the guy being scared of commitment and just being a guy is bull crap. I am in the same boat and I wil be having a discussion with my so called guy about this asap. He may like you, he may love you, he may be into you but…. I am sorry I know it is painful to hear. Ladies, be smart about this, like a previous poster said, respect yourselves, love yourselves, and have enough confidence to kick his azz to the curb if you have to… One day he will realize what he had and how he messed it up, may not be tomorrow but one day he will!

I am struck by how similar my experience is to so many others. I met someone online a year ago and we started dating six months ago. About a month into dating, I knew I really liked him and wanted to see where it was going to go. So, I hid my profile. About three months into dating, I knew I was starting to fall in love with him and I was bothered that his profile was still active, he would be on at least every other day.

We saw each other at least once on the weekend and would text, email, IM and phone throughout the week. It finally bothered me so much that his profile was still active that I asked him about it. He said he had in the past gone from one serious relationship to another and wants to see what dating around is like.

We continued seeing each other and finally I just told him that I had made it clear in my profile that I was seeking a long term relationship and that he had indicated that in his profile as well. I said that he really should think about changing that if his goal is simply to date around. Is there any hope here Brad? Should I just chalk it up to experience and walk away?

But I do remember in the summer we seemed very close. He did many kind and loving things…though he no longer does them. Is it too late to salvage anything…or was there anything to salvage? You can continue to hang out with him but start looking to date other guys as well? Of course, you should only do this if you could be comfortable with it. Sorry to repeat the same thing, just wanted to see if you could help me a little. I started dating a guy 3 months ago. Since then things are going fantastically.

He is super attentive when we are together, has introduced me to all of his friends who have warmly accepted me into their circle as one of their own. When we are together his behavior to me in without fault and amazingly caring. However, I know has has a dating profile because a few weeks after we started dating my friend who uses the site told me she saw a profile for him. She showed me the profile and it said he was interested in meeting women for dates. But, last weekend over in the same friends house she told me that his profile is still there.

We had a look and he has changed his profile to looking for women for friends. But his write up still says he wants dates. The fact that he changed his profile means that he still uses the site. I am a little upset so a few days I set up a fake profile with photos of another friend he has never met and messaged him.

He did not reply. How do you think I should proceed. Also, as a side note. Should alarm bells be ringing. Emma — I think you should gently ask him about it but not attack him about it. His status updating from:. Yeah, a deleted profile would be best or updated text but at least he has it heading in the right direction. Just to play devils advocate: He goes to this site and changes his status without thinking about his profile text and logs out. Thankyou for your advice about my dilema above. I just wanted to give you an update.

I have not confronted my boyfriend about this online dating profile yet. I would really like him to come to the realization that he needs to delete it himself!!! I have never done online dating myself but because of my boyfriends profile I now log in under a fake profile every day to check his activity. He goes online every day Brad yesterday he was online in the morning and in the evening. Now, he only goes online for a couple of minutes at a time whenever he does log in. I was able to get a hold of his phone last week and saw that he had the dating site application on it.

He did not have any sent messages in his sent out box. He had a couple of messages received — one of which was from my fake profile. He never responded to that message by the way. In the meantime Brad he treats me very well and has introduced me to his parents and all his friends. I was at dinner in his parents house tonight. These actions tel me that he likes me and is trying to have a serious relationship with me. The online dating profile is tellng me that he is still keeping his options open just incase. Then he will always know that I found out and, the guilt he may feel could jeopardise our relationship.

I really like this gy so I want to give him a chance to delete the profile of his own accord. I have been dating my boyfriend for 8 months now. We met on a dating site and were surprised to find that even though we live in a small town we had never met. I just turned 22 and he wil be turning In the first few weeks we were together I was worried about how my daughter would react to being around a new guy. She fell in love with him. But my daughter has this thing where she loves to look at his pictures and since his phone is touch screen and she is only 3 she sometimes hits other buttons, well about a week ago she opened his browser and ended up on the exact dating site I am talking about.

After that we never said another word about it and have been hanging out like nothing happened. I have even offered to show him how to delete it but that conversation always ends quickly. I have also noticed that on his computer he is getting on another site and looking at personals, mostly from other states. My biggest worry is my daughter, she is VERY attached to him and tells him that he is her best friend and she loves him, and he tells her the same.

They have become almost impossible to keep apart! I really do love him and want to be with him, everything would be great if I could just figure out how to get him off those sites. I understand not wanting to fight and dropping it but his excuse for being on the site was pretty weak…. Also, based on his responses to your previous questions, I get the feeling if you were able to prove he was using the services his response is going to be a strong one and to me it seems like the wrong person is getting angry!

I know its him because of the wording he used and the things he is looking for. He has no idea that I know about this site. I just have no idea what to do anymore…He is acting like everything is good other than my crazy moodiness lately I think some of it has to deal with him and the other is just a mix of things bothering me. Erica — have you tried talking with him about this more aggressively? There could be other people who write like him! We live an hour apart so I only see him once a week -but we talk or text daily.

He goes out of his way to text me just to say hi, good morning, or see how my day is going. He is doing everything right. Found his Facebook page and his relationship status says involved with another girl. Obviously upset, he asked me later what was wrong and I told him. He said its nothing.. Brenda — was he the one who sent the text or did he receive that text?

5 Reasons Why His Online Dating Profile Is Still Active

If he sent it that would be more concerning to me. Anyways, we finally went on a date last night. He came all the way here drove 40 minutes in practically a blizzard , and his birthday was three days ago so I made him a cute blanket. He was so into me and I was into him, too. We played around in the snow like little kids, cuddled, watched a movie at the theater, and got shakes. We had the most incredible night no intimacy and I felt so so so comfortable. He even came inside to meet my parents he was so nervous but unfortunately, they went to bed before we got there.

Obviously, I was so taken by him. Not by his charm or anything, but by the effort he puts into being with me and everything. He takes out so much time from his busy schedule to Skype with me, which he initiates a lot, and he drove to see me and paid and was a huge gentleman. We clicked on SO many levels, it was insane. So today, he said good morning, etc. He not only read the email but he also viewed my profile.

That just killed me. I could honestly envision us together for a long long time, and it just came as a blow. I feel the same way. Also, I apologize for the novel. Thanks so much, I really appreciate it, Brad. All that said, given how you two talk I would expect it to be down very soon within the next week. I met him nearly 2 years ago on a dating website. Anyway, last week his sister had been awful to me and I was home alone and upset. I was online, depressed and feeling miserable. In the browser history I was looking to see if he had been viewing porn websites when I noticed a dating website there.

I feel awful doing that but once I saw it I clicked on it. No one else uses the laptop except us. Why is he window-shopping for other women when he says he wants to marry me? I said I had made an account and saw him on there. I asked why he was on there still. I can easily deactive or suspend it.

He said he had nothing to feel guilty about. This last weekend he finally got the courage to inform his mother that he had proposed 6 months ago! It seems to have disappeared overnight and I feel lousy and worthless. We got on amazingly well. This required him to travel like 3 hours to visit me where i was at that time….. Tbh, i think we were both so shocked at how well we got on, how much we had in common and how much we were laughing.

We met a coupld more times and then slept together, its not something i do easily at alllllllllll, it just felt right at the time. My feelings for him were getting so deep and I wanted to be his gf. His parents are apparently reaaaaaaaally keen on this idea and so are hers. The keep saying they will hav a good future together and will make them proud if they get married one day. He told me he isnt keen on that idea but at the saem time how he doesnt want to make them unhappy.

Anyways, we still met up and spoke very very regularly over the next 6 months. However, after a while i think we both stepped back slightly due to this situation. So we stopped meeting up but we kept tlking. We went to a spa, it was beautiful and we ended up staying the night together…….. It just felt right. We spent most of the night talking to be honest with you. He was very interested in asking me about my life, my opinions, my family, my experiences and he genuinely seemed to care and to want to listen.

I have never seen a guy so keen to listen to me in my life. We seem to hav a major connection. He was very sweet and affectionate. It feels so much like a relationship and that he is warminig to the idea, but we havent discussed it cos we cant due to his parents and their plans for him. Anyways then necxt evening, when we arer leaving, we hav an odd goodbye, but then i guess we always do. He tells me how lovely a time he had and how he doesnt kno if we will definately be able to meet again due to the situation. He tells me to look after myself and tries to make the goodbye casual and jokey…..

I ask for a proper goodbye and he hugs me and hesitates to kiss me…….. I guess cos he doesnt want to be too attached? A few days later I log back onto the online chat room we met on seven moneths ago, I made a new profile and he was online…………. He opened a convo, I spoke to him like i normally do and we got on so well but he did notttttt kno it was me!

He was really keen to see a pic of me so i showed him a few not too close up, he kept asking for closer pics…………. His convo with me, pretending to be another woman was not flirty, it was more obscenely friendly tbh and he was keen to open a convo, be friendly, overly maybe ask for msn or skype…. We tlk veryyyyyyyyyy veryyyyyyy often and I guess I havent mentioned being official in maybe 7 months: S maybe i should again?!

I wud like to add we are both the same age and same religion but from differentt cultures origionally they are similar. We are both born and riased in the UK. Laura — I think it would be a good time to mention being official again. For you other questions on if his story is true or if he was using you for sex…I really have no idea. It is concerning that he would trying to chat with other women where you met though.

This happened to me after being in an exclusive relationship for 14 months. I also had a gut feeling as it had happened to me previously. The emails he wrote to her were very flattering and he said beautiful things to her just like he did when he first met me and how he wanted to meet her and possiibly have a relationship with her. He even had the brashness to say in his email to this imaginary girl who was me: If you NEED to lie, perhaps its time to keave.

I then handed him the piece of paper and headed for the door. The only problem is that I now trust NO-ONE and everyone I meet on the net is suspect, although now I keep my profile up even though I do not use it so at least they know I my profile is still active. I, like most people here, have a very similar situation. I met a man on match about 4 months ago, and things have been wonderful. I had been on a few dates from the site, and was just about to lose interest completely when I met him.

In about another month or so, he will know for sure if he will stay here or be sent away, and we have agreed to talk about being officially exclusive at that time. I offered my patience in return for his honesty. About 2 weeks after we met, I cancelled my match account, and closed out my POF profile. He said that he had taken his match account down, and I believed him.

I had no reason not to. About a week ago, I noticed that he had the POF app installed on his phone, and he just got a new phone a few days before that — so I calmly asked him about it. He claimed a guy he worked with asked him to check out and see if his wife was messing around. I let it go. Again, I calmly asked him about this, and he seemed genuinely confused. We are both almost 30 years old, and I really want to believe him. Until now, nothing about him has bothered me at all, and I would hate for this to ruin what could be a great thing.

Does it seem like he could be telling the truth? Or am I being played? Alsia — I say dump him. If you guys are planning vacations and are seeing each other soo frequently, he should have more respect for you and not have ANY active accounts. That is just rude and disrespectful. Also, he may get deployed and leave. Find someone who makes things easy for you, not hard and stressful. Hi Sarah — thank you for your opinion. Fortunately, things have been wonderful and things just keep getting better between us.

A few days after I posted, he and I went to lunch and had a serious talk about it. We had talked about it over the phone and via text message and it left me unsettled, but talking to him about it face to face has made a serious impact on how I felt. As far as the deployed thing, he is getting deployed in a few months, and this is something I knew about not long after we met. We actually had a very serious conversation about the future last weekend, and ours seems bright.

Any insecurities I had were short lived — he has proved to me through his actions that I can trust him. Gaining my trust, after my past, is not an easy task and he has managed to do it. There are going to be ups and down, good and bad — you just have to be willing to put forth the work.

I would rather have someone that challenges me and pushed me to be a better person every day, and I intend to do the same. Hi Brad, I desperately need your insight! This article has been very helpful but I want something a little bit more specific. I met my guy online just before xmas Our emails were immediately riveting and he even told me it seemed like we knew each other for ages.

Finally we decided to meet on 7 Jan. We set it up on Tuesday. When he tried to confirm, I told him I hade forgotten we had a date and promised lunch to a friend. Later that evening me and my friend were going to move to another location and I texted him to let him know. Till that time though we had exchanged numbers but he had not texted me. Once I texted him he was quick with his response and asked me to come over to his suburb.

You see he is 34 and I am We are both very well established and pleasing to the eye. We are both very social and ambitious. The next morning he begged to meet me and we agreed to brunch on Sunday 9 Jan. On Monday he contacts me and asks to lock in a time and date. I tell him I am very busy through the week and can manage Saturday. So we met and he told me he was glad I had pushed him out.

He asked me when my last relationship was. We had a great time. I was upset since according to dating norm he should have paid. While we were saying goodbye he asked me out and I agreed. On Monday I texted him and we texted the whole day. Things were going great and he asked me to meet him on Thursday. He had told me earlier that he wanted to get off the dating site. I never made any such claims. Between Monday and Thursday I noticed he was logging in.

So when I met him on Thursday I asked him why he was online if he so wanted to get off. We ended up sleeping together and he spent the night at my place. The next morning I asked why he always tried to meet me during weekdays and he said it was just a coincidence cos his weekends would get so busy. I agreed and let it go. Later that night I noticed he had taken his profile off and I was very happy. We still caught up on Sunday evening and it was lovely. He was suddenly not wanting me to meet his friends. Earlier he would ask me to do so.

I realised it was early days and though it hurt I let it go. I texted and welcomed him back and told him to enjoy. We met later that evening and had a good conversation where I told him to ask the next time. I asked him on Sunday and he said he was in there cleaning up his inbox before deleting. I had on Sunday deactivated mine.


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He keeps pushing things back on me. On Sunday he told me he thought it was harmless to email though he was only seeing me. None of this sits well with me. I activated my account and let him know. I was terribly upset. Again he pushed it back on me and I had had enough. We met on Monday and had a great time.

However he did mention valentines day. Also we made plans to meet on Friday. I am very upset. Why is he doing this? Has his ego been hurt that I was online when he had removed the earlier account? Is he just being stubborn and testing me? Or am I a time filler till he finds something better. So why is he still looking? Is he playing me? I met a guy 2 months ago on match. He asks me out every weekend and also at least once during the week. After about a month, I hid my profile. I asked him if we are exclusive and he said yes. Then I noticed that his profile was still active. I confronted him about it and said that it bothers me that you still have your profile up on match.

Two weeks go by and it is still up. I also told him that we agreed to be exclusive and that having an active profile tells other women that he is still single and it is disrespectful and unacceptable to me. He said that I have trust issues and that he is not doing anything or talking to anyone else. It has been another 2 weeks after that conversation and his profile is still active. So, I put my profile back up today and I am not going to tell him. I am just going to start dating other people and not even worry about it.

And I am not going to ask him about what he wants to do. I am going to do what I want because he is surely doing what he wants. Also, Ladies, exclusivity is a trap for women and a benefit to men. At this point in time it is not wise to promise exclusivity to any man without a proposal. What do you all think about this guy? Loser, Liar or Commitment phobe?? Dear Brad, I have been dating a great guy for 2 months now…he joined Match.

We are exclusive and are both in love and very happy. When I broached him on this subject a few weeks ago, he assured me he was NOT interested in other women and that this dating site would not allow him to remove his profile until his subscription ended. Now I am not sure whether this is a lie or if he is playing me? Thanx a lot Brad!! A bit has happened since I wrote to you. We had plans for Friday but he said the weekend was best spent with friends.

I was already assuming we had broken up so I was surprised. I replied next morning and told him I had other plans since I thought we were on a break. I am not checking up on him anymore cos that upsets me. No reaction from him but when we were talking about the weekend it was clear he had no dates. He even gave me a massage.

Guy I'm seeing is still on www.perfectpostage.com - www.perfectpostage.com Community Forums

So I am confused. He knows I am dating other ppl. Have I driven him to being this stubborn? Being a man your perspective is valuable!! Thanx in advance again!! Rhia — did you drive him to be stubborn? I hope he comes around to appreciate what he has instead of worrying about what he might be missing out on! Thanx for your kind words Brad!! But he has to realise that on his own. Oh well let him play. Gosh he changes stories fast. I know it may have come as a shock!

I am so shocked!! As a man could you tell me if a man can go from friendship to serious relationship? I wish you the best of luck — whether he changes his mind or not! You have been lovely Brad! On last Friday he said in case I was out late to let him know. Yes first time I get an invitation to his place. There was more to the text that told me his close friends were there at the pub with him. When he rang he sounded very upset. I told him to come over. He cuddled me beautifully the entire night — it was sweet. He, not me, started talking of baby names with me. Am so confused really about these mixed signals.

That text he sent to me by mistake screams that messing up with me bothers him. What do you think?? This seems to be a reoccurring incidence, but if you could help me clarify my situation I would appreciate it. I have now been with my boyfriend for 8 months. We met on match. We have continually seen each other from the beginning for at least 4 times a week.

Things have cooled lately since then, but I still care for him deeply and he clearly cares for me. He has always been honest with me about everything I have asked. He has plenty of female and male friends. He tells me all about them and is pretty open. Shows me pictures and explains how he met them. He even had me add a tracking device on my phone so I can see exactly where he is at all times.

I did not ask for that. I feel that it is his way of letting me know that he is not doing anything behind my back and is totally honest. We have yet to have a real exclusivity talk and have not talked about our dating profiles. I took mine down right away and I just figured he always had his up. So yes, he has had his up. I recently signed up under a fake profile and tried to wink and favor him. I know he checked his email and eventually he did look at the profile, but he did not take the bait and respond back. Am I handling this situation properly?

I care about him so much and I yet I have my reservations about him. Does he seem like he wants something more with me? We spent our first Valentines together and he met my family. I have met some of his friends. He had asked me to meet his mom a few months ago, but we had to cancel and it has yet to happen. He has continually helped me out, he surprises me with gifts along the way. Things have been going smooth and steady. I figure with all the things he has done it sounds like he is interested in me.

Maybe once you know where he stands, it will make it easier for you to make a decision? It sounds more like you just want to understand. If you use that approach with him, I would hope it would go pretty well. I met this guy on Match. I have met his daughter and I spend the night over his house frequently as he have mine.

He tells me all the time how he feels about me and he shows me as well. Yet, he still has his dating profile active and he still checks it almost every day. His actions are that we are a couple but somehow I am thinking he is trying to keep his options open. If I am texting somebody he is comfortable asking if I am texting other men and we have open communication. We have a 15 year age difference and I wonder if that is something that bothers him. I guess my queston is why does it seem like we are playing house with no real commitment?

Is it to early to worry about this? I think in many of the cases listed here, if the woman waited for the guy to make a commitment…well, it might never happen! I met a guy online about 2 months ago. We actually met up about a month ago and got along great and have a lot of fun together. He seems like a great guy, and the compliments are flowing but something is off.

He works the graveyard shift so it is sometimes hard to see eachother but we usually manage a couple times a week. Not sure what that is all about. But also texts me and tells me how much he misses me and how much he dreams about me, blah, blah, blah. So about a week or so ago I ask him what we are. I still had my profile up and so did he.

He says he really likes me and is into me and still getting to know me. He also said he has friends he talks to but no one that he is seeing or dating. That he is a one woman type of man. He then mentioned taking down his profiles. So the next day, I took down mine. He then says, oh, I thought it was because of me. I then said well, it is partly because of you, I am not interested in talking to anyone else while I am getting to know you.

So he texts me the other day and says he it on POF just out of pure boredom and then tells me he misses me and wishes he could see me. Ok, WTH does that mean? Then I can still look online and see that he is on those sites almost everyday. So he is looking. He is sending me all these confusing messages and I am afraid to bring it up again since we already had the talk. He introduced me to some guy as his girlfriend but tells everyone else I am his friend.

What is the deal with this guy? But I must say his profiles up still really bother me, especially since we have been intimate. Jamie — it sounds like the confusing areas in your relationship might go beyond just the dating profile. Oh, forgot to mention, I go over to his place a lot and everytime I leave, he begs me to stay and says he hates that I have to leave. We talked last night and he mentioned it again. He said he hates the fact I always have to leave and wishes I could stay at his place all the time. He gave me a key to his place also and told me to stop by whenever.

I tried to give it back last week and he told me to keep it. Hi Brad, Same boat here…been dating my guy for 11 months now — we are both 42…. I am his first relationship since a divorce from a 16 year marriage from a woman who had cheated on him. About 3 months in is when I saw he was still logging in……it upset me…. I had a talk with him. He wanted to take things slowly and was not ready to commit to a relationship though he liked me A LOT and did not want to stop what we have. I too began to go back on-line…. That we are at different places in regards to what we want at the moment, although we do want the same thing in the end, a loving, solid relationship.

I went 3 weeks with no contact. He had not dated anyone else, and I believe him. I told him I had. He asked if we could pick up where we left off…. We had a wonderful 3 weeks…. I reacted instantly — saying the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results I was talking of myself And of course a few other choice words…….

He was pretty angry at my outburst……that Friday I wrote him, apologizing for acting instantly rather than sitting with my feelings and just blowing up on him. His response was basically that he accepted my apology. He just got out of a marriage filled with anger. How he hates the fact he makes me feel the way I do with all this. That he is afraid. And that he stays online because he is afraid of closing all doors and just be with me, the first woman.

And he went on to say he thinks we may be meant to be together but struggles with being unsure. This was all in November. From Nov to Jan, we went on a date once every 3 weeks, always having the time of our lives. I did go on dates with others as well……. Fast forward to today……The last month and a half, we have been spending a lot more time together…. I feel as I am really, truly falling in love with him despite that.

Last week, while just hugging and feeling so happy being there, my heart was racing with emotion that it actually startled me. What is this all about? See what you do to me? I am just so scarred to bring my feelings or the site thing up……. I would love some feedback…….. I have been dating this guy I met on okcupid for a few months now. We were very intense the first month seeing each other all the time and every weekend.

Since our relationship has been a bit all over the place for these months, should I have even brought up the topic? Laura — would you feel comfortable telling him you want to take your profile down and ask him if he would do the same? Also, you might want to ask him why he wants to keep his profile up if you are using words like that.

All these answers are very helpful, thank you! I met my boyfriend on POF 4 months ago. We had an amazing connection and he made me his girlfriend about the second time we hung out. He seems to be just perfect, everything I was ever looking for. I deleted my profile about 2 weeks after we had started being boyfriend and girlfriend.

Then about two months after, I went on the site with my friends user info and searched for him. That was very hurtful. I messaged him on my friends proflie and he answered very nicely that i was pretty and he was still looking for a relationship. I was devastated when I saw it. I stopped answering and next time I saw him I asked him if he was still on the site and he answered and said: We worked things out and he promised me he would delete it ASAP.

So, we hit 3 months. We are at the point when we say I love you every day and we are often talking about marriage. He even introduced me as his fiancee once, and all his friends know about me. We were casually talking about something and he slipped something about the site and I asked him: I got really sad about he still having it up and went into my zone for the rest of the night.

He promised again he would delete it as soon as he can get back on and he promised I would never have to go through something like that again. How am I supposed to trust him when he makes empty promises?? There he still is. He has also updated his description. The whole profile is completely updated. I love him so much but it seems that he keeps making these promises that mean nothing. And how much can I really mean to him and can he really love me if he keeps doing what he knows hurts me So much. I am not Brad obviously but if you read my post, which is right before yours, you can see I was almost in the same situation.

Since then, he has been trying to sleep with my with no strings attached and even today he told me he misses me and wants me, but still sees people that he met on the site, but I am the only one he really likes… Sure…. Sounds like he might just be a commitment-phob. Sophia — sorry for the slow response but I would agree with Rachel. I started talking to a girl for around 2 weeks, we met on a dating website and have been talking daily.

Its long distance so we met for the first 2 weeks after talking and the date went perfectly, she even bought me dinner! She said all the right things and we spoke of only being interested in each other. Ive had trouble getting her on the phone as thats something shes uncomfortable with and shes unsure about being able to visit cause of money going towards a course..

I notice shes still going on this same dating website we met on I had taken mine off since we met but this worries me so much that i asked if she still went onto the site and she said she did.. If i trust her the way i should then i need not to worry.. But i dont feel easy with that… Its difficult… because teh date went brilliantly..

As i kinda already mentioned about this… I dont know how to play it.. I dont want to be pushy and annoy by bringing it up again.. It seems to me that many people want to be open to long distance relationships but then when they get in one, they decided to keep their options open for something closer. I think I would try to be open with her. I would be as kind as possible if you decide to have this talk with her: I met my boyfriend of 1 year on okcupid.

Things were going extremely well and I have never been happier. Then, one day, out of the blue I decided to see if he was still using the dating site and he was online and chatting with girls. I confronted him about it, we broke up, and then he came crawling back to me 2 weeks later and deleted his okcupid profile.

I never texted him back last night. He sounds really immature. I have dated my share of immature guys and he sound like one in my book. Maybe you should join all those dating sites just to piss him off! I know it sounds petty but he is being petty by saying stuff like that to you and even being on those sites. Once a player always a player. Hi similar story met a guy online 2 months ago we meet once a week on the Weekend. We are both full time parents and work full time. He also Has 4 units so busy but he bought it to my attention that he saw me online previous day And asked me about it in person I said I was checking his profile.

About his interests etc to round up some questions I said u were on there he replied with yea but he has 2 mutual friends On there he talks to not on there for dating. Should I be concerned?? It saddens me to read all these stories becuase I am on the same exact boat as most of you. We talked for hours and both expressed how comfortable we felt talking to each other about any topic that you can think of. He is stationed on a US Army Base about 2.

After 3 weeks of talking he came to visit me for the weekend, and there was no nervous or uncomfortable feeling between us, just really had an amazing time. In general, he was never pushy or anything, but the opposite, and I got the impression of him as being a nice and honest guy. I believed him and since we had such a great and easygoing time with each other, I just went with the flow. We saw each other again, two weeks afterwards, I went to visit him this time. He invited me to stay at his place and we again had a great time, very easygoing, no tension or uncomfortable feeling at all.

I thought wow he really is an honest guy, what a catch! I was happy and I told him that and that I liked him a lot. He replied that he liked me a lot too. I asked if he was still on that dating site, because I took my profile down about two weeks after we met. During that weekend we spent a lot of time walking around in the town where he lives, we had lunch and dinner in one of his favorite restaurants, and generally had a great time.

He was right where I was with my opinion, so again — a match. After that weekend we texted each other every day and spoke about every other day, since we both have time consuming jobs. I was very worried because I knew that as an army soldier, deployment is always imminent.


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After work he did call me and told me that they are being deployed to Turkey for about days. I was shocked and sad about it, of course, especially since we just had spent a great weekend together but only met twice so far. But I knew I had to be supportive and not dwell on my fears, so I did the best I could to cheer him up and not burden him with my worries.

He kept me in the loop of events for the following days until he finally left for Turkey, and we spoke before he actually got on the plane. I knew it was going to be tough but hey, it was only for a few weeks, and we promised each other that everything would be fine, that he would be fine. Today he is gone the third day only, and when he arrived there he texted me that getting a wifi hotspot is problematic, but that he would figure it out. Yesterday night I somehow had a weird feeling and just out of curiosity I went and googled his name. Up came a link to badoo.

My heart made a jump….. Here we are, I have doubts and feel uneasy about the whole thing. So this morning I texted him the usual good morning text, please be safe out there etc. I struggled with myself whether to bring it up or not about what I had found out, but then I decided to confront him. So I texted him jokingly that then Whatsapp must be messing with me, because it says he was last online last night around 9pm.

He also said that I should know that if he had a chance to get online, he would have texted me as he always does. Also that he got to go and wished me a great day and that we would talk soon. I also said that I wanted to be there for him and support him, and that what he gets from me is honesty and loyalty, but that I require the same.

I have to add that he struck me to be honest and good from the very beginning, and he never gave me reason to not trust him. Always texted me when he was out with friends, letting me know where he was and that he would call me once he got home etc. Whenever he said he would call or text, he did, and in situations when he was held up, he would always let me know.

I really need your advice! I know this has become a long message, but I really hope you find the time to reply. Thank you so much in advance! My story is I am over 45 and back into dating I was single for 3 years. I joined POF with some nice photos. I had 4 dates with 4 different men and 2 more wanted to date but were no shows. The last one he was a no show the first date which was an odd time sunday morning! Hes a single dad with two grown kids at home, they sepd at xmas.

He apologized 5 days later online that is was not me and said I was so gracious etc. He said he did not show that day as he ex came to his home and found him on POF and freaked out. This was the reason. But he told me its long over their marriage and said she wont be allowed in his house or at least where his computer is anymore- I could hear anger in his voice. So then a few days goes by he asks if he can see me, so he comes over for coffee it was sunday evening. Things went well I felt a good connection, we made out etc. Saw him one more time a few days later, then he said hes getting a hip surgery and has to work a lot of OT plus his daughter is moving to another city for college with her things hes been moving her.

I offered to help with anything esp. He said he wanted to see me this Monday which is tomorrow holiday. So 2 hrs later he messaged me. He said he enjoys being around me too. He said I not an option. He said he does not want to lead me on! He said maybe its best if we stop contact until after his surgery and hes well again which could be weeks! Then he said he may not get to his computer much to message me!. But he has a phone, why would he say that?

It that a way to twist my brain? So I then thanked him and said im going out for birthday drinks. I left him a voicemail 1 hr later just one , its now sunday, he never called me back!! So I went in and deleted mine as well! One guy got mad cause I wanted him to confirm IM hes still coming!! He already has pictures of me, I have sent by phone and I asked him that he had been online, he said it was because he was checking whether I had been online, I have left it a week and sure enough he has been online in the last 24 hours.

Just recently went through this on another site. We dated for two months, spent a lot of good times together, dinners out, movies, nights out with friends, and eventually sex was involved. He told me that I made him very happy etc. Then he started pulling away, less texting, calls stopped, excuses started. I had a feeling he was lying to me about the excuses its happened before. Seems likes bs to me. Well, I shut down my profile a week after meeting him. He continues to be online at unusual times really late at night or early in the morning. If I make him happy, why look at others?

Plus, he said he wanted space? This guy i met online and he said he needed space to get over an ex. Its been 6 weeks no contact. His profile was still on but he took down his pictures and remained inactive for a month but just yesterday went online and reattached his pictures. Anyway i think its A.

Is he trying to test my reaction and call him out on it? Why do guys do this??? I thought he was a genuine nice guy. He told me he loves me and he said he meant it, and would never cheat on me, and I believed it. He constantly went on dating apps to talk to other girls and he confessed to me and told me he cheated on me.

I felt hurt because I thought I knew him and I thought cheating would be the last thing he would to do me. I never thought he would do that to me because of all the words he had said to me about how much he loves me and so on. He said he is serious about me and called me wifey. He brought me to his parents but seem to be quite scared of letting his friends see me. My boyfriend is very self-centered, which he also admitted. Sometimes I feel like he only cares about himself, pays a lot of attention on himself rather than on me now. I even flew all the way just to get him to talk about this with me because I thought I had to talk about this with him.

Since our last huge fight regarding him talking to other girls he said he had deleted the dating apps. But he would still talk to a few girls he met on okcupid on whatsapp. I asked him why, he said because this girl called Dion had recently been to korea and he just wanted to ask information about traveling to korea. So that obviously was an excuse. Although my trust to him is kind of broken but I still want to trust him again. We talked about this issue almost every night and I told him I feel hurt that he still talks to girls from dating app.

Then I asked him if he wants to meet friends then why only talk to pretty slim girls but not guys? Why only pick pretty girls to talk to to be his new friend? Why does he stil want to meet other pretty girls? After another conflict again his mind changed a bit. I said nothing, because minimizing still means he still gets to talk to them. Although we are ok now but I just feel so helpless. My friends kept telling me to dump him. But what about me? Why are men like that? Hello, I read ur full story. I think you are the opposite of me although we share sth in common, I am also an observant girl when I am dating online, which is what I am doing now.

However, I would do the opposite if I found out the guy I am with is doing all these dating app things behind me. You have made him feel like you will never leave, and he can always get you back as long as he stops it for a while. What I mean is, dress up and make up urself everyday, keep yourself in the best condition, and go out to meet friends and new guys, and let him see these changes! I donno if you have thought about this? If you want to make him become obsess with you, you should just go back to the one you were before, the one who attracted this guy to fall in love with you.

If the guy looks at your profile, you get a notification. The advice in this article is terrible. His actions are speaking louder than words. He wants something better, or someone else. Since that moment I knew I had to break contact with him since we were not on the same page. I will have to trust his decision, and if I ever feel like my mistrust of him is too big to continue, I will let him know and I will break it off, just like I had intended the first time. This dating scene nowadays is tough , it is tempting not only to look around for other people because dating websites are just a click away, but snooping is easier as well, and very tempting.

I wish you all luck out there, be smart. Why did you let him talk you into staying with him? Your gut instinct was right. Life is too short to waste on second best relationships. I would rather be single. I my name is susan like to call sue. I need to start looking for a honest guy. Iam 49 year old. Have four grow up children. Was engaged to a man but he been cheating on me, please need to leave and start anew life, i lost myhusband in Now my life is tore up.

I wish I could find an article more recent in regards to this topic. I myself have been dating a guy for a little over a month. Well, curiosity killed the cat, so I created a fake profile and though his was hidden, there are ways to search and find it regardless. I realized he accessed his account and kept mum. I suppose my issue is that his profile IS hidden therefore does not show up in any searches, so why is he accessing his account?

If HE emails someone, they then have access to his profile and it can go from there. SO, why would he go and do something that would make me doubt him. Let alone make me feel like he is keeping me around until he finds something better. You know the answer already. If you were your own best friend, what advice would you give yourself.

Your gut instinct is right. Value yourself and find someone who wants you and no one else. I disagree with the advice in this article. The guy HAS given her a reason to distrust him. He offered exclusivity, yet actively participates in an online dating community. When a person last logged in is public information. How transparent is that. Totally agree with you Moops. Trust is very hard and someone should give you reasons to trust!

I agree with you Moops. I had been dating this guy I met online for 4 months. I told him I was taking down my match account. He said he would also. Not only did he not do that, he joined pof and meet me! I decided to still give him the benefit of the doubt. Yes he really said that! I said he was the one who was searching. Girls, stop the madness! I was honest with myself and realized I was only with him because I was lonely, and it is so hard to meet someone nice, but I was doing myself a disservice.

Still trying to find the one…. This very thing happened to me. Wasted an entire year on this man. Gave him the benefit of the doubt in the name of trust and it was a bad decision. Now I not only wasted a year but have spent six months trying to recover emotionally and am going back into the dating scene with less trust. If he is logging in…… he is looking or communicating and the bottom line is… you will never be able to trust him completely because this will always be in the back of your mind.

A truly excellent reply. This article seems to expose a type of man that is rotten to the core and is capable of using women without any conscience. The whole interaction left me feeling sick to my stomach. I completely agree that if someone is still checking dating sites after committing to someone then they are leaving options open,stroking their ego,or seeing you as for now person Its disrespectful and breaks trust not builds it.

I met someone in my home area on an online dating site. We have gone out 3 times in two weeks, and have several dates already arranged for the coming week. We are both divorced and he has a child almost every weekend, so we typically do not see each other from Friday to Monday night. I took my profile off the site because I believe it leads to hurt feelings and in my little mind, why make him not trust me. What I did was set up a bogus account and I can see he is on the site each day, even after we have gone out. He is on and off the site daily. There are times I have been on the phone with him or in the midst of sending a text back and forth when he is on the site.

I really want to find out why men do this? If they meet someone and apparently things are going well, so what is up with men who need to see or chat with other women? It was after telling him this that he asked me if I can go out with him on several days for the coming week.

So what is up with men you meet online and how they still log in and show chat venue open. I have been going through a similar situation and would really appreciate the feedback on here. Im 24 yrs old and im very attractive and have never been in a real relationship and crave that part of my life with someone special. I have been on the online dating scene for 3 yrs and have been on sooooooo many dates and havent found anyone who I am remotely interested in until 3 and a half months ago.

When it comes to me and dating I think I have the worst luck and i cant even get past the 3rd date with someone so I am always walking on pins and needles each time. But here is my situation:. He first told me that he wasnt looking for anything super super serious and i said well lets take it slow and see where it leads to.

He was always treating me like i was his gf and i met one of his close friends and he took me and my sis and his friend out for dinner. I never had any guy treat me like that. This guy always mentions me to his neighbors and friends but we dont have a label on it.

He also talks about personal stuff with him and his whole family and i really thought we were connecting. I also attempted to lose my virginity to him. I never told him i was a virgin the whole time and then it just came out and he was at first mad but then he understood where i was coming from and i kept asking him if he was ok with me not being experienced and he said he was. But always in the back of my mind it has been bothering me that i am inexperienced because he has been around the block and would leave me for someone who is great in the bedroom.

I am alsooo very very shy around him because i like him sooo much and i feel sooo out of place even when doing stuff in the bedroom. I just cant seem to snap out of being scared and shy when im with him. Recently i just went on match and saw he was active within 24 hrs and im like wtfff. I feel sooo played but i dont wanna jump to conclusions and he hasnt contacted me in 2 days and im feeling like he wants to find someone who is way more experienced than i am. But the thing is we really connected and I dont think anyone can come close.

Its sooo strange cause we started hanging out together times a week recently and he just cant stop staring at me at every moment wen im with him. Im sooo scared to lose this guy and dont know what to think right now. All my friends that I ask think he is playing me and i dont know if i should even listen to anyone because everyone can have their different reasons. Im really falling for this guy and I never ever pressure him on anything cause i know men dont like to be pressured so i kind of take each day as it comes.

Yes, suspicion can destroy a relationship if it is unfounded. But sometimes suspicion is justified. Hana, this guy is looking around while enjoying you and wonderful qualities. Match and eHarmony screen pretty well, and if a guy has an active profile on a site like one of those, it usually and I would say A girlfriend or boyfriend can usually tell it the profile is real in any number of ways — if the profile has exact details about height and weight, the writing style that was used, etc…..

This girl is just going to get hurt. She should leave the guy ASAP.