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Allowed to learn in school, the rates are the lowest. Other people here, or make one yourself. Have been working on a number of members on free sites is that there are things that make you feel embarrassed. Since many people engage in oral sex without the use of condoms or dental dams, getting genital herpes from oral sex is increasingly common. And the not-so-"funny" thing is, it's more common to be thought of as "dirty" or "damaged goods" if you have HSV2, yet no one seems to mind if it's "just a cold sore.
HSV1 and HSV2 are essentially the same virus -- it's just a matter of where they present on the body. So, to the aware individual who has done her homework on the Herpes virus, you are no more "dirty" or "damaged goods" if you have HSV2 instead of HSV1. In fact, you not "dirty" either way! Mary, I feel that your question about herpes is so critically important because your major concern has to do with the ongoing painful physical symptoms that you've endured and how you could never risk passing this on to someone you love.
This is where I feel a little concerned, and not from a coaching or therapy perspective that has to do with helping you find a more supportive outlook , but from a physical health standpoint. I've conferred with my partner Todd who is a physician and I've read as I'm sure you have numerous websites about the typical symptoms of herpes. None seem to be anywhere as severe as you've described and for that reason, Todd suggested that you may want to consider seeing a specialist: To address your question about not wanting to pass this painful virus onto someone else, I completely understand.
However, I also feel that the pertinent thing to keep in mind here is that the symptoms you are having are not "normal" without trying to make you feel "abnormal". You may never notice symptoms from an HSV infection. On the other hand, you might notice symptoms within a few days to a couple of weeks after the initial contact. Or you might not have an initial outbreak of symptoms until months or even years after becoming infected.
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When symptoms occur soon after a person is infected, they tend to be severe. They may start as small blisters that eventually break open and produce raw, painful sores that scab and heal over within a few weeks. Mary, I feel confident that once you get your symptoms under control you will be able to release the trauma of this painful time in your life. This will then allow you to see herpes for what it really is: When and how to reveal the "herpes secret" is a top of mind question for anyone who has contracted the virus.
I wish I had the space to cover this topic on this blog post but I'm already way over. They give excellent advice on how to handle this super sensitive topic.
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The Gremlin, as fellow dating coach Marni Battista likes to call it, is that mean, judgmental, condemning voice inside your head. The Gremlin is responsible for all of your sabotaging thoughts. And Mary, in the case of contracting the virus for herpes, I can only imagine that your Gremlin is yelling at the top of her lungs.
Although it's unfortunate and not something I would ever wish on anyone, it's not the worst thing that could happen. I am still alive and although I'm in physical pain from my symptoms, I know they will eventually subside. When they do, the pain of what's happened won't be so apparent and I can move on with my life. I'm choosing to accept my reality because I can't change it and the stress of wishing I could isn't helping me.
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I know that stress affects my immune system's ability to fight this virus, so instead of beat myself up over this, I'm going to use this experience as a reminder to love myself more. On first glimpse, I believed this to be totally true. However, I choose to look at this in the most positive light possible. Whereas before I felt free to let attraction to a man take over me, now I have to be more discerning and take my time to get to know him WELL, before I enter into a sexual relationship.
This will give me the time I need to screen my partner and be sure he's a great match for me, before we get intimate. And while there is the chance that he may decide to leave, and that will really hurt, I also know that I want a man who will be by my side through thick and thin. If he cares enough he will take the time to understand the risks and the ways in which we can protect him from contracting the virus. Yeah but, your sex life is over!
How could you ever put someone you love at risk with this? While it is true that HSV1 and HSV2 do not have a cure and there is always a risk that the virus can spread, there are things I can do to greatly lower this risk.
Suppressive therapy is one way, but in addition to this I am going to make it my mission to know my body so intently that I will know when I am shedding the virus even before an outbreak. I will choose to make my symptoms a signpost in my life that signifies slowing down, reducing stress, and amping up self-care and self-nurturing. I will abstain from sexual activity with a partner and show myself love instead.
Mary, I know this isn't easy. And once again, I wish there was something I could do to take the pain away. If you'd like me to tackle your VERY important question about dating, sex, commitment, divorce, heart-break, or the ever-so-difficult question "Should I stay or should I go?
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