7 Ways to Bring Back the Honeymoon Phase
When Jessie and I started dating, I freaked out that I might wreck the great thing I'd gotten going, so I started researching how to "get good" at relationships. Chapman says that each of us has two dominant love languages of the five: If you feel like your partner doesn't recognize all you do for them or how much you love them, it's probably because you have a different love language.
It's an absolute must read! If you want to take the quiz to find out your own love languages, you can do it here. The enneagram is one of the most profound, powerful guides to understanding your personality and how it works in relationships. Developing an understanding of your and your partner's strengths and weaknesses gives you a greater appreciation for each other.
I'm a Type 7 , which means I can be too busy, spontaneous, and scattered. Jessie is a Type 3 , which means she's adaptable, excelling, driven, and image-conscious. Our personalities are so different, but they work together beautifully. When we get married, I thought the expectation was that each party had to put in 50 percent of the work.
Signs That Your Relationship's Honeymoon Phase Is Officially Over
That is an absolute lie. Some days I'm tired, stressed, or grumpy, and I'm contributing about 10 percent to the marriage, and Jessie has to take the 90 percent. Other days Jessie is acting like an absolute—actually, it doesn't matter. You get the idea. This is so hard. When you're frustrated, it's easy to want to highlight all the stuff your partner is doing wrong. The fact is, this just makes things worse.
Focus on how you can improve what you have control over. If you both focus on how you can improve yourselves , you take steps toward progress. I wish I had already mastered this, but it's a work in progress. Date nights are a great way for you to remind yourself why you fell in love. Ours is on a Monday. Sometimes we go out for coffee or dinner; other nights we just chill out together. It's a big priority for us. I learned the hard way that you can't just come out of the bathroom playing Flight of The Conchords "Business Time" and expect to get lucky.
I mean, it might work once or twice, but it shouldn't be your go-to move.
If you want your partner to be in the mood for physical intimacy, be affectionate all day. Finding out your partner's love language will help you invest in actions that will have a meaningful effect on your partner. Is she a gift lover? Buy her flowers, chocolate, and wine—her favorite indulgences.
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Is she all about words of affirmation? Tell her why she is so special to you. Acts of service are more her vibe? Wash the dishes without being asked. You'll figure it out. When Jessie and I first got together, I blushed every time I saw her. I finally started to understand all the love songs, movies, and ridiculous things I'd seen my friends do for the people they loved. Once the infatuation fades, the feeling your partner can do no wrong is replaced by more realistic thoughts.
Here are some signs the honeymoon phase is over. It will take time and effort to successfully get through disagreements. During the infancy of a relationship, there are few, if any, arguments.
However, as your relationship matures and you and your partner become more comfortable with each other, there are often more disagreements. They could become more intense, too. Things are usually exciting during your first few months of dating. Over time, this excitement starts to fade and the real work of being in a relationship begins.
You may even get bored from time to time, said Sameera Sullivan, relationship expert, psychologist, and CEO of matchmaking service Lasting Connections. Constantly ripping each others clothes off will become a distant memory. All it took was one look, and it was on. Sarah Westbrook, a junior at the University of South Carolina, says not to completely forget the honeymoon phase altogether.
It's good to keep saying nice things to each other and remind each other how much you mean to each other. One of the inevitable results of the transition into the next part of your relationship is the fact that the newness and blinded obsession you have for your other half might not be so blinding anymore. Just like any relationship—friend or otherwise—there will be times that you get frustrated.
No Two Relationships Are The Same
Cool down, hang out with some besties and then re-approach whatever subject set you off. Arguing is totally fine, but feeling smothered is definitely not something you need to put up with. You [should] always think of them first. Ingrid Schnader, a junior at Auburn University, also suggests changing your average date night to something more fun. We find the most interesting things and each trip is unique!
This second phase of your relationship is where you find out all the good stuff.