Do you think GAG should combine these topics?

It's especially hard when the break up wasn't mutual because I will always like her as more than just a friend.


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I guess what I'm trying to say is don't hold your breath that he will still be your friend after all this. Hope my own experience and my perspective helps you understand what might be going through his mind. Thank you for your openness and honesty. I want to reach out but I don't want to seem over-bearing and needy. When I hear her voice from across the room, it still shears right through my heart. I guess I'm taking it pretty hard.

But for what it's worth I've made a move on another co-worker before that and now we're still talking to each other. Mind you she put a stop to it before anything actually happened. I guess maybe that's why I'm still on good terms with her. It really depends on how attach I was I guess. Hey, I have been in the same situation exactly, can you tell me how things turned out to be for you, I really wanna know cuz im stuck now and feel very uncomfortable I would appreciate your answer.

I've hooked up with many of my female friends, even some who were married, and so I speak from experience when I say this If it was a mistake, learn from it, forgive yourself, then let it go. If he's giving you space right now then he's likely trying to do that same thing. Give him space, but stay friendly. Sometimes we confuse sexual attraction for the intimacy our current relationships lack Perhaps this short fling has helped open his eyes up to his current lover, and perhaps it can do the same thing for you. I'm still great friends with my past flings, mostly because I refused to judge her or myself afterward.

When he's ready to start chatting again, he will. And when he sense you're not awkward about the whole thing, you'll both get along just fine! Sex can mess up the best of friendly relationships. Norah Vincent in her book "Self-Made Man" writes that men have an emotional scale of three notes, while women have three octaves, plus an orchestra and choir off to the side. He may not be able to keep up a friendship simply because he isn't capable of it. On the good side, time will help him to sort out his thoughts and feelings. I really liked your quote and it defintely makes sense and feels right.

I hope that time will help him sort his thoughts out and help me as well thanks. Even if you do remain "just friends" you're going to have another affair. The feelings will still be there or come back.

How to handle a coworker after we hooked up

The best thing is to just let it go. Especially if one or both of you are married. I am not sure if we will hook up again. We are both in relationships which I know is wrong. Not to put blame on him -he is the one who pursued me first and now he is acting weird. I am willing to let it go but how do I act when we work together? He might feel you lead him on. Infact, given your age you did. Either you have a deeper relationship with him, or you just have to let him go. Though to be honest, if he's the kind of guy who just stops being a friend he's a bit weak.

Mind you I don't know how you rebuffed his advances, maybe he feels massively hurt. What does my age have anything to do with it?

I did not lead anyone on. I never rejected him- we hooked up and then he pulled away-we said that we would be friends no matter what. I know it is hard to do that but we are mature adults and should be able to handles these kinds of things. I think you should have known better by this time of life is what I was illuding to. If a guy rejects sex, it really wasn't going to happen or prehaps I should say shouldn't happen. Though I suppose there's always a first time for everything.

It sounds like your friendship is at risk. If you wish to salvage it, give him time and space. But a conversation on the side might help speed things up. Let him know you are OK with taking things back to Friends Mode, and you can both pretend nothing else happen. You should both be mature enough to agree that anything more than friendship is no longer an option, but mistreating each other after the fact is not in either of your best interest.


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You can mentally block out everything to do with this tawdry affair, but that's not emotionally healthy. So just open your heart and mind and regard him and everyone else around you with charity and good will. If you cannot do that, go the repression route. If you cannot do that, suck it up and have a slightly difficult time at work. And if that won't fly, well then I guess you'll be leaving your job sooner or later.

You are right you can't mentally block it out because it is not emotionally healthy. I made attempts by emailing him as though everything was ok and the 2nd attempt by email went unanswered this is why I think he is giving me the cold shoulder. If you aren't pregnant or infected, say nothing. I'm not about to excuse what happens between two adults while drunk, but the 'don't talk about it EVER' line works because - why do anything else? This is one of those cases where the incentives all stack up when this is sealed tighter than Area I don't like that he came by your place for sex. I don't like that you were the one to raise concerns about his girlfriend, not him.

Frankly, he doesn't come off as a good guy. You should rethink your attitude about your attraction to this fellow, be thankful you don't remember much about that night because it will be even easier to forget, and MOVE ON. I'm sure his long term girlfriend thinks he's sexy, too. You're playing with fire and wondering if you have an ethical "in" to revisit your attraction. Be glad you made the right choice in the end.

I'm sorry you're involved in this whole thing. I know it's confusing and maybe even hurts a little. Don't harbor feelings for someone in a committed relationship. Yeah, I think you want to bring it up, because hey, "very good chemistry" is hard to walk away from. But this is not a can of worms you want to open. To answer your question, no, it's not "rude or weird" to not mention it. She has no reason to lie, and in fact, doing so would not give her the accurate advice she's seeking. To me it sounds like you want to bring it up with him. Maybe you want to find out what he thinks or this episode got your hopes up.

Best to leave it alone and not mention it. First off, I want to disagree with the argument of "if he cheats on her, he's not boyfriend material," because who knows if they're open, or if they're only together because they're afraid of being lonely, or if they have some kind of fucked-up codepencency they're trying to break, or anything.

You don't nor do you remember who brought up the girlfriend, or what was said about her. Moreover, that argument feels a little bit like arguing that men have more agency than women, and that all women are more or less interchangeable in the context of a relationship. However, if he offers to explicitly leave her for you, that is kinda fucked up.

Second, if you feel like discussing it with him, go right ahead. But figure out what you want to say first, and what, if anything you want to know from him. The worst he can say is "I'd rather not talk about it," and that's all. But make sure you're alone and probably not at the office , and don't tell anybody else at the office, either, THAT'S the real bad form thing.

The protocol for ill-advised drunken makeouts is Ignore and Don't Repeat. That goes double if it's a coworker, and triple if either of you are committed elsewhere. I was with you about the "who knows? I don't see any gender assumptions in it. A made out with B. A has an SO. A tried for a homerun at the door, and went home unsatisfied.

Sent B a nice-ish note the next day. B doesn't want to homewreck A's relationship. The math's the same.

What to Do When You Wake Up Next to a Coworker

B the OP should probably avoid discussion of the Event. In the meantime, A is probably not being faithful, and as a coworker, seriously risky anyway. Never speak of it again. Eventually the awkward will fade. Like jbenben, there are things I don't like about this. As you tell it, my suspicion is that he was more sober than you realized, but either way I don't think this guy is as trustworthy as you think he is. The timing also smells from my point of view: The Komodo dragon, a carrion eater, bites its prey and goes about its business, leaving its toxic saliva to bring about a slow death.

About four days later, it returns to consume the corpse at its leisure. While you may be able to stay friendly with one another , it may end up being too much. Make sure you have some idea of what you might do if the relationship goes south. That could mean moving within the company, or taking a new job altogether. How do I treat a co-worker after a one night stand if he is insisting we do it again? If you want to do it again, feel free. If you don't, tell him in no uncertain terms that it was a one time thing and you're not interested in taking it any further.

Don't be too friendly or do anything that could send him mixed messages. Not Helpful 0 Helpful 1. I had a one night stand with a co-worker, and while I want a relationship, he isn't being very clear about what he wants. What should I do? It is important to be direct with each other about what you want.

Arrange a meeting where you both talk about what happened and how you feel.

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If he can't give you a straight answer, or doesn't want a relationship, it is best for you to move on. Keep the conversation professional, as you still need to work together. Not Helpful 2 Helpful 2. Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered. Already answered Not a question Bad question Other.


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  • Be patient, and keep focused on your work, and the awkward feelings will most likely pass soon enough. Warnings Remember that office parties and conferences are generally considered part of the work environment, even if you are off-site or after-hours, so adjust your behavior accordingly. Be particularly careful if your professional relationship is superior-subordinate. Personal relationships between two unequal parties in a workplace can lead to concerns, if not actual incidents, of power abuse.